Cemetery Etiquette: How to Visit Respectfully

Visiting a cemetery respectfully mostly comes down to remembering that it is both a public place and someone's family grave. Follow the posted hours and rules, walk between graves rather than over them, give funerals and mourners space, and ask before doing anything that might disturb a grave or stone, such as taking a rubbing. On private land, always ask the landowner first.

Whether you are visiting a loved one, researching family history or simply walking through a historic burial ground, these guidelines will help.

Check hours and rules before you go

Most cemeteries have set visiting hours, often from around sunrise to sunset, and many close their gates at a fixed time. Some also close on certain holidays. Rules are usually posted at the entrance and on the cemetery's website. Religious cemeteries may close on holy days, and Jewish cemeteries traditionally do not hold burials on the Sabbath.

If you are planning a specific visit, such as looking for a relative's grave, call the office in advance. Staff can often give you the section and grave number and a map, which saves a lot of wandering. Our guide on how to find where someone is buried explains how.

Driving and parking

• Drive slowly, usually at or below the posted limit, which is often very low.
• Stay on paved or marked roads. Never drive or park on the grass.
• Park where you won't block a funeral procession or maintenance vehicles.
• If a procession passes, pull over and wait.

Walking among the graves

Walking respectfully is the most visible part of cemetery etiquette:

• Use paths where they exist. In sections without paths, walk between the rows rather than over the graves.
• Avoid stepping directly on graves. In older cemeteries, graves can be hard to see. A sunken rectangle or a row of stones is a good clue.
• Don't lean on, sit on or climb headstones or monuments. Old stones can be loose and heavy, and they can topple and cause injury.
• Watch your footing. Old cemeteries can have uneven ground, low footstones and sinkholes.

When there is a funeral or someone mourning

If a burial is taking place, keep your distance, lower your voice and stay out of the way. Avoid photographing funerals or mourners. If someone is sitting quietly at a grave near the one you are visiting, give them space. A nod is usually the kindest greeting.

Photography

Photographing headstones for family history or personal remembrance is generally accepted. Many genealogists also photograph stones to share on volunteer indexes such as Find a Grave and BillionGraves. A few considerations:

• Check the cemetery rules. Some private cemeteries restrict commercial or professional photography, or require a permit.
• Avoid photographing mourners, funerals or people visiting graves.
• Don't move decorations or items left by families to get a clearer shot. If you do move something slightly, put it back exactly as it was.
• Don't use drones without permission. Many cemeteries prohibit them.

Gravestone rubbings and cleaning

Gravestone rubbings used to be a common hobby, but they can damage fragile stones, especially old marble, sandstone and slate. Many cemeteries now ban rubbings, and some states restrict them in historic cemeteries. Always ask the cemetery first, and skip rubbings on any stone that is flaking, cracked or leaning.

Never use shaving cream, chalk, flour, wire brushes or household cleaners on a stone to make it easier to read. These cause lasting damage. Raking light, a mirror and careful photography work better and are safe. Our guide on how to find an old grave covers these techniques.

What to leave, and what to take

Leaving flowers or a small token is a lovely way to show remembrance, but every cemetery has rules on decorations. Fresh flowers are usually fine, while glass, candles and items on the lawn often aren't. See our full guide on what you can leave at a grave.

And the opposite matters just as much: never take anything from a grave. That includes flowers, flags, stones, coins and anything left by a family.

Children

Cemeteries can be meaningful places for children, especially when visiting a relative. Explain beforehand that it is a quiet place where people come to remember, and keep younger children close. Running, climbing on monuments and playing games among the graves are not appropriate, though a gentle walk and a few questions are natural and fine.

Pets

Rules on pets vary widely. Many cemeteries don't allow dogs at all, while others allow them on a leash. Service animals are generally permitted. If pets are allowed, keep them leashed and clean up after them without exception. Some cemeteries prohibit pets entirely because of past problems, so check first rather than assuming.

Recreation

Some cemeteries, especially large 19th century "rural" cemeteries with landscaped grounds, welcome walkers, birdwatchers and history lovers, and some even host tours. Others, including national cemeteries, prohibit recreational activities such as jogging, bicycling, picnicking and sunbathing. Follow the rules of the place you are in. When in doubt, treat it as a place of mourning first.

At national cemeteries and military memorials, extra decorum applies. At Arlington National Cemetery, visitors are asked to remain silent and respectful at the Tomb of the Unknown Soldier. You can browse national cemeteries and historic cemeteries to plan a visit.

Visiting family cemeteries on private land

Thousands of small family cemeteries sit on private land across the US, often on farms that have changed hands. These can be the most meaningful visits for genealogists, but they need extra care:

• Always ask the landowner for permission before entering, even if you are a descendant.
• Explain who you are and which graves you are looking for.
• Respect gates, fences, livestock and crops.
• Leave everything as you found it.

Laws on access differ from state to state. Some states, such as Virginia and Texas, give descendants and certain others a right to reasonable access to cemeteries on private land, usually after notifying the owner, while other states offer fewer protections. When in doubt, the county clerk or a local genealogical society can help. You can browse family cemeteries in the directory to see documented locations.

A short checklist

1. Check hours and rules.
2. Drive slowly and park on the road.
3. Walk between graves, not on them.
4. Give funerals and mourners space.
5. Photograph respectfully, and don't disturb anything.
6. Ask before rubbings, and never use harmful cleaning methods.
7. Keep children close and pets leashed, if allowed.
8. Ask landowners before visiting private family cemeteries.